Yes, I realize I am mocking 60% of coffee drinkers or something, but that's their own problem.

It is astonishing how many people seem to have the delusion that using Equal or Splenda in SOME way actually scratches their caloric intake.

The utterly goofy part of this is that a packet of sugar is four grams. It contains no more than fifteen calories. The metabolistic boost you get from the coffee is many times greater than that. Fifteen calories is insignificant, considering how many calories you consume per day, even on a diet. Even a person on a low-carb diet is supposed to have 120 calories per day of "net carbs". A packet of sugar is laughably below the radar. 

Now this would just be a cute little bit of overkill, for people who use equal or splenda in addition to actually watching their calories or carbs overall. But it gets utterly laughable with most people, for whom such utterly meaningless gestures are their dietary regimen.

There are people who actually drink soda for supper, but make sure they get synthetic sweetener in their coffee for breakfast. They save 15 calories, but have no qualms with the 200+ calories of sugar later in the day.

Not that people who drink diet soda with their otherwise un-regulated meals are being much more sensible.

Note that I'm actually NOT an advocate of calorie-control dieting. I think that most people would be better off increasing their caloric output, not convincing their body they're in a famine by engaging in some weight-loss diet, and thus setting their body's target amount of body fat HIGHER.

But if one is going to try to restrict their calories, abstaining from 15 whole calories of sugar in their coffee is an utterly meaningless way to pretend to do it.

[	Tags	|	oats, rambling, regular bowel movement, stream of consciousness	]
[	Current Location	|	Oatville	]
[	mood	|	disliking "mood"	]
[	music	|	Baby first TV	]

In conversation just now, I was noting that people (probably needlessly) avoiding gluten can have, for supper, potatoes, rice, various beans...and then realized that one glaring exception is oats.

There are no common oat dishes, for supper. Not like mashed potatoes, or rice as the carb of the main course, et cetera. There are rice noodles, there is potato bread (which is actually mostly wheat), you can have yams or sweet potatoes. Of course the largest part is wheat products, like noodles, bread, et cetera...

But, really, there's no popular dish using oats as the main carb/starch. 

How odd.

[	Tags	|	cat macro, notochord	]
[	mood	|	Triumphant	]

 
I am of the theory that chicks like "cat macros" to contain verbal incompetence because they are genetically forced to find ignorance "cute", on order to keep them from strangling their children.
Don't even get me started on what kind of pathology makes them obsess over Ann Geddes' bizarre, cannibalistic pics.

[	Tags	|	oatmeal, parrot, pet, quaker	]
[	mood	|	bereft	]

The Vocabulary of a Quaker Parrot

This isn't a pet vanity page. Instead, it is an example of how much a parrot can learn of human language.

The parrot, Oatmeal, is a Quaker parrot. He has a vocabulary of at least three different categories:

Words or phrases that he understands. These he applies correctly and even uses correctly in abstract ways.

Words or phrases which he knows will get certain results, but does not necessarily understand abstractly.

Words or phrases he just knows how to say.

---

Oatmeal was born in August, '96. Quaker parrots are small, about the size of a medium conure. They are, however, "one of the top ten talkers", though I don't know who originated that factoid. They tend to become attached to whomever is around them a lot, unless you're careful to constantly expose them to new people. If they become too fixated on one person, they will tend to be possessive, and thus try to bite any "intruders". Other than that, they have fantastic personalities (for a bird), and are very social and friendly.

It should be noted that, with the exception of "Oatmeal" (his name), phrases listed are not seen as constructions of specific words, he treats them like long words. But he does occasionally string pre-learned words and phrases together in ways suspiciously like abstract phrase creation.

 

Words He Fully Understands

Food -
This is usually only applied to his regular food. Says it when the food is being added, or occasionally when he's out. Will usually say it when the food bag is being handled, even if he already has food.
Cookie -
any food he actually likes. Gatorade is sometimes called cookie, because it tastes better than normal water. He will say cookie even if he has procured the treat without having to request it.
Mmmmm! -
He makes this sound mainly when the treat he's eating is really good. It was picked up because it was said to him when he got especially excited over something he was eating. Gatorade gets this treatment, too, as it may be his favorite ingestible substance.
Water -
Anything liquid. Getting a bath qualifies as a time to say "water". His primary cage has also gained the nickname of Water, because the bottle in his secondary cage had broken, and now he associates the primary cage with "water". This is an interesting abstraction. He definitely knows water to be liquid...he says it when he sees fluids, even if he doesn't want any. But he also calls the cage, and nothing else, Water, as noted above.
Bath -
He doesn't say this very often, especially if the bath is via squirt bottle, though that's his favorite method. He says it when he's in the shower with KAZ, though. No, it's platonic. He sits on the shower curtain and watches, commenting on "water" and "bath". Recently he has decided it may even be safe to sit on a finger and get exposed to the water directly.
Out -
Out means out...of the cage. He'd become a little too destructive to be out unsupervised, though of late he's done better. He says this in order to get let out, but also says it when he's entering or leaving the cage on his own, when the door's propped open. He will chant this when he's really determined to be released. One must spell the word "out" around Oatmeal, especially if he's not out, or else he gets quite excited about it.
No! -
A firm No will get him to stop whatever he's doing, and to try to be clever about sneaking back to do it...waiting until one looks away, et cetera. He will now say it when he's being prevented from doing something, or when he wants to stop something from being done. A calm No informs him that whatever he's asking for won't get done. he usually gives up for a few minutes.
Stop it! -
Unlike "No!", he will use this one himself, when something unpleasant is happening to him. This started because he was told "stop it" when being squirted with the squirtgun (for damaging things, harassing other birds, or doing the shriek he learned from the Nanday conure), but now he'll say it when grabbed and held in a hand to be inspected, or waved away from something, even though it was never used this way on him. He will also respond to it as he does to "No!"
Kiss -
It is tempting to assign a lot of abstract value to this one, because he correctly identifies humans kissing, but (without prompting) has added some surprisingly abstract social expressions. He also makes the standard kissing noise and a pulling back motion right after he says it, unless he's simply commenting on a display of affection.
Hello -
When he says this, he bobs his head, a social behavior birds often do when first approaching each other. This is interesting because he wasn't taught that head bobbing was linked to saying hello. He also, as a simple response, says hello to the telephone when it rings, which doesn't involve head bobbing, and is obviously just a simple response to the fact that the humans do it. When one peeks into the room and is seen for the first time, the most likely comment will be "hello", though he may not say it very often when constantly in sight.
Groom me -
He learned this because he was taught to say it when he was being groomed (fingers preening his head and neck)...but he spontaneously started saying it when he was grooming another bird or a human, and even when seeing humans grooming each other or other animals.
Awwwe! -
the sound one makes when they see something really adorable. Oatmeal does this when he's being especially nicely groomed, having picked it up because he was cooed over when he was especially fluffy from enjoying being groomed.
[purring] -
When Oatmeal was about four months old, KAZ was gone a lot and Oatmeal was allowed run of the apartment at all times. He was adopted as a kitten by the year-old cat, Tamarin. She would cuddle him between her paws and lick the top of his head, and he would groom her ears, face, and whiskers. During this time he picked up the purring sound, and especially gentle/intimate (non-sexually) grooming sometimes gets him to make short purrs.
It's OK -
Said to him when he was a baby, when covering him with a hand or chin much like a mother covering a baby bird. He says this when making the same motion, or being consoled, or when upset or agitated, even if he doesn't allow one to touch him. Second thing he learned after Hello.
Come Here -
If he feels like it, he'll respond to this by flying over. Always responds to it by stepping up, if the finger's right there and was being ignored. Always looks up and gets interested when it's said. Will say it when he's been left alone in his cage for a long time and someone goes by.
Doo dee doo! -
Singing, dancing. He now does this when music is played, even if nobody is visible...which he picked up on his own. He was taught to doo-de-doo back and forth with humans; doing it to music was his own invention. He includes a great deal of head bobbing.
La Lala La Laaa -
Singing, like an opera singer or like that famous clip from Babe.
Meow meow meow meow -
The Meow Mix song. Nobody has any idea how he initially learned this, but he's been encouraged because it's cute.
KAZ? -
This is used almost exclusively to get KAZ' attention. Not Nichole's. It's said with exactly the tone Nichole uses to call KAZ from across the house. This was picked up without any conscious attempt to teach it.
Nichole -
Usually used for Nichole, but sometimes when she's not visible. Was learned from Nichole, so the idea's a little messed up, whereas KAZ did not help teach "KAZ?".
Good bird! -
Any major accomplishment, originally learned because it was said when he actually deigned to "come here" via flying. It was assumed that this was just a response word, but he now says it when he's being groomed or comforted and is really happy about it.

Response Words

No Barking -
He says this when the dog barks, or an animal on TV does something similar, or a human makes a bark-like sound.
Lie down
Sit
Good boy
Stay
Come here -
while No Barking is specific to barking, anything involving the dog or even a commanding tone toward another animal will send him into this litany of phrases, in random order.
[Laughter] -
Clearly knows this is a social sound. Normally will only do it in response to laughter, or if he's just done something for attention, or if he's just successfully picked on another animal. He has perfected both the KAZ chuckle and the Nichole laugh.
[Coughing] -
He has no idea what it's for, but he'll join right in. This was particularly funny (except to Nichole) when Nichole was experiencing a lot of morning sickness, overheard from the other room. You'd hear her coughing, and then the parrot chiming in, with a perfect imitation.
[sneeze] -
Nichole's high-pitched squeak of a sneeze is now echoed by Oatmeal. At first it wasn't obvious what this sound was, until it was noticed that he did it mainly after Nichole sneezed.
Oatmeal want -
this is a weird one. He knows that his name has something to do with him...and he says this before making a request. If you say "what does Oatmeal want?" he does not usually repeat it, but says the name of what he wants...usually a material thing like a cookie (treat) or water.
Eep! -
This was a game between KAZ and Nichole, where whenever Nichole said Eep, KAZ, who felt that Eep had an infinite number of meanings, would respond "Aloha" (because it's a very ambiguous term in Hawaiian) Since Oatmeal wants KAZ' attention above all other things, he only says "Eep", thus getting KAZ to say "Aloha". He seems to expect "aloha" in response, and has never bothered to say it himself.
[ring bell] -
Oatmeal will, aside from doing this when he's bored, respond to someone stirring liquid in a glass (which produces a ringing sound) by going over and ringing his bell. Various other ringing noises sometimes get this response, too, especially the phone, though usually he just says "hello" or "hi" when the phone rings.
[meow] -
This was picked up, also, back in the days where he was adopted by Tamarin as a kitten. He knows several different meows, in fact, though it's not clear as to if he imagines any special difference between them.
Bander -
He says this, the name of the ferret, whenever the ferret or some other furry non-cat is getting attention.
Little Bander -
Same as Bander
Tamarin -
This is the name of The World's Smallest Cat, who is about the size of a four month kitten, yet is around three years old. He doesn't know it's her name, but he has heard it said enough that he says it. In fact, at the time of this entry it is his new favorite thing to say for no apparent reason, a position occupied at times by "really?", "philately", "Are you a good bird?", et cetera.
[english-sounding noises] -
As with many hookbills, he has learned the general sound of human chatter, and now will join in to a conversation with his own aimless blabber, as he seems to feel the humans are doing.
Hello Nichole -
Nichole obviously taught him this one. He usually will say it in response to "Hello Oatmeal"
Hello Oatmeal -
When Nichole departs from the rules for teaching Oatmeal to understand words, there is often some confusion. He occasionally says "hello Oatmeal" when trying to get attention.
Ka-Chunk -
He has decided that the closing of any door must be anticipated and expressed aurally. He does the sound of one of the door of one of the bathrooms, but will do this sound any time someone gets ready to close a door.
[sigh] -
Oatmeal can be exasperating...so he's learned to sigh, as he can induce a sigh from KAZ or Nichole so often. He'll do this in response to their sighing. It's interesting to note that "exasperate" comes from words which mean mean "to make someone sigh"
Up -
go(ing) upstairs

Silly Comments

Philately -
it was just something silly to say to him, and he picked it up.
Baby! -
Because Nichole is pregnant, this was said a lot around him, and when he repeated it he found it gets a lot of positive response.
Really? -
Said to him sarcastically, when he was saying something incomprehensible. Of course he picked up on it, including the sarcastic tone.
Are you a good bird? -
there's no way he could understand this abstract concept, but he does say it mainly when he's being a "bad bird". Like wanting desperately to bite Nichole, who cruelly steals attention from KAZ, when it should be given to Oatmeal instead.
[smedley cuss-mumbling] -
When really "angry", usually because someone other than him is getting KAZ' attention, or he's not being allowed to destroy some useful object, he will pace around and make angry-sounding mumbling noises, much like the dog in the Tom Slick cartoons, as if he were cursing under his breath. It seems to be related to the english-sounding noises, in concept, but is radically different in the phonemes used.
What's that? -
KAZ would sometimes say this when he didn't understand Oatmeal's attempts to say something new. It became one of the new things he was attempting to say, which was pretty funny when it became obvious.
What's this? -
Despite the fact that it departs from the plan of not training Oatmeal to say things for treats, but instead to simply learn to associate words with ideas, Nichole used to ask Oatmeal "what's this" in regards to a treat, so that he'd say "Cookie". So he sometimes says "what's this" when he wants some favor, though it can be to get let out, or be groomed, instead of a cookie.
What are you doing?
          - It's easy to imagine how Oatmeal managed to do enough strange things to get this said to him until he learned to say it himself.
What -
Because it's common to What's This, What's That, and What Are You doing, "what" is a generic comment Oatmeal makes when trying to get attention.
Here we go -
Said to him by Nichole when he's being given a treat. Picked it up by accident, of course.
Itty bitty pretty birdy (in a cutesy voice) -
KAZ used to pretend to make grossly cute baby-talk sounds to Oatmeal, when he didn't have anything specific to say. Of course Oatmeal picked this up, and re-arranges the four words into endless strings of nonsense.
Yeah! -
Said with great enthusiasm, in a long drawl, as if agreeing with a brilliant idea. Picked it up from various sources. Simple syncronicity ensures that he often happens to say this right it would make perfect sense with something a human was saying. "Syncronicity" is a way of saying "one of those coincidences that seems more amazing than it really is". Don't tell Karl Jung I said that.
Hi! -
Also said with enthusiasm. Picked it up from people answering the phone or greeting each other, but doesn't know what it means (unlike "hello"). Says it when the phone rings, sometimes.
Bad Bird -
Fortunately, he doesn't know what it means, but it's a spin-off of his tendency to ask every passer-by if they are a good bird.
[Baby crying] -
As predicted, Oatmeal has learned to imitate Corwin's crying.. Nichole insists that Oatmeal won't learn it well enough to fool a human, but it is reported that, when KAZ was a baby, his mother's parakeet learned to imitiate his crying well enough to send her running from the other room. If a parakeet can do this...and the same story has been heard of at least one large parrot, in that case emulated down to the intake of air between cries.

• Tomato garden
  
• Pepper garden
  
• Pea garden
  
• Rogue Cherry Tomato garden
  
• Nomatic Broccoli garden
  
• Extra Seedlings
  
• Crazy Herbs
  

[	Tags	|	apple, food, grapple	]
[	Current Location	|	Yucksville	]
[	mood	|	at the stupid mood feature	]
[	music	|	Some stupid mime-support music	]

I thought the idea of a company injecting "artificial and natural" grape flavoring into fresh whole apples sounded tasty.

But, in fact, other than a faint concorde grape smell,  I couldn't detect anything different about the apples, at all.

Except that it cost five bucks for four of them.

If you come across these allegedly grape-flavored apples at the store, don't bother:

http://www.grapplefruits.com/

If you are going to move within earshot of a train track, make sure you can actually see the trains pass, or else don't have kids.

[	Tags	|	advice, garden	]
[	Current Location	|	Nineveh	]
[	mood	|	tired	]
[	music	|	the howling of gibbons	]

Someone on http://groups.yahoo.com/group/TheVeggiePatch asked for a rundown of beginner's tips, which he called Gardening 101.

I replied with a post that kept growing, until I felt it was a shame to have spent so much time...of whch I have little...answering a single question like that.

I got a some comments on how helpful it was, so I thought maybe I could justify the time a bit, by reposting it here 

I should note that the poster said they had already covered their garden plot with plastic (kills off all the plants/weeds ahead of time), and were borrowing someone's tiller. Actually digging up the garden turns out to be one of the most difficult parts, if you don't plan ahead, so note that as missing from my rundown:

* You should check the soil pH, because tomatoes and peppers grow best in acidic soil. There are many means of acidifying the soil, if need be.

* Hopefully you considered sunlight, in picking your plot...tomatoes and peppers need at least five hours per day, preferably in the morning, or at least evening.

* You say "include herbs with the veggies", I hope you mean to grow them among the veggies as ground cover; some of them work wonderfully as companion plants. Basil and oregano are actually reputed to make tomatoes taste better, as well as keeping away or distracting some pests. Onions and other alliums (I use chives) keep pests away from tomatoes, too. Many flowers attract predatory insects, so it's actually useful to consider planting them near or among your veggies, too.

There's a list of companion plants and their effects at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_companion_plants

I've never needed to use insecticide in my garden, and I credit companion plants.

* Also consider only pulling weeds that you know are actually harmful. Many make good companion plants, too, providing ground cover to stabilize moisture, or more: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_beneficial_weeds

Bare soil just lets the ground dry out faster, making for more erratic access to water by the plants. Tomato plants with good ground cover around them don't get blossom-end rot as easily, for example.

* You should find out a planting schedule for your area...there is a certain time of year when it's optimal to plant each given kind of crop. You should look up when you should be planting each kind.

http://www.chestnut-sw.com/growform.htm

Someone posted this recently, and it seems to be a worderful tool for planning when to plant.

You just need to enter your last freeze date, get it here:

http://www.weather.com/maps/activity/garden/usnationalnormallastfreeze_large.html

And first freeze, from here:

http://www.weather.com/maps/activity/garden/usnationalnormalfirstfreeze_large.html

* Many people start seeds indoors in February (cool weather veggies like broccoli around here) or March (tomatoes and peppers here, for example), because you can get more varieties and better plants if you buy seeds instead of seedlings.

If it's too late to start tomatoes and peppers from seed in your area, you may need to buy them as seedlings. I've found, I kid you not, that the local Super Walmart actually has a better variety and quality than the local nurseries and greenhouses. I don't know why, unless it's that this particular one is on the edge of the suburbs, and all the farmers come from miles out in the country to shop there. I kid you not...they had perhaps two dozen cultivars of tomato last year, for example. A lot of it was stuff you'd normally only be able to get as seed and start yourself.

Ebay, too, rules for buying seedlings, but with the slight risk mail-order seedlings have of arriving dead.

* umm...plan on how you're going to water the garden. A soaker hose is far better than hand-watering or using a sprinkler, for example. You encourage the plants to grow very deep root systems if you use a soaker, and that ensures better access to moisture even between waterings.

* Red plastic sheeting as mulch is supposed to make tomatoes, and some other plants, produce bigger fruit faster, by shifting the average spectrum of light hitting them to trigger certain genes more effectively, but it interferes with some companion planting strategies.

* You also need to consider spacing for the plants. This tells you how many plants to buy, and/or how much space they'll take up.

The officially recommended spacing for tomato plants seems, around here and in Northern Virginia, to be too far apart by a factor of 100%. As long as they have proper support, tomato plants are better off sheltering each other's fruit from sun during the hot part of the day.

My neighbor actually grows his pepper plants staked to each other, in threes. They shade each other's fruit and provide support, seeming to work quite well, so I'm going to do the same this year.

* Also, consider plant placement...just as some plants help, others hurt. Carrots are said to make tomatoes grow better, but some guy trying to "scientifically" test this found that while it worked, the carrots themselves were stunted by the tomatoes. Beans and peas are disastrous for pepper and tomato growth, giving them too much nitrogen so that they grow too many leaves and not enough fruit...but plants which need lots of nitrogen, like leafy veggies, benefit hugely from growing near or among peas or beans.

The companion plant list I linked to above includes some negative plant interactions.

* Plan ahead for fertilizer, too. Decide what kind you'll want, test the soil to see how much you'll need. I use synthetic fertilizer, for the most part, because it's more convenient and provides specific, controlled measures. But you can work a bit harder and use organic fertilizers. Bear in mind that some of those are actually riskier to humans, and even crops, because they can contain bacteria and other impurities. Also, if you want to go more organic, you need to plan ahead, with more testing to anticipate what you need...organic fertilizer sources often work more gradually, needing to be anticipated before the need actually arises. You may need to actually "brew" fertilizer, or put it in the ground soon enough that it can age there.

* For tomatoes, by the way, you need to consider how you're going to hold them up. You can use commercial tomato cages, or trellises like you'd use for grape vines, or even grow them up a fence. There are bush tomato plants, of course, but they produce less. Some people actually use arching trellises, which is supposed to be really beneficial if you make the effort. Actually, the vine plants can be grown without even a stake, but they take up a lot more space, and there's more chance of the fruit contacting the ground, which can have side-effects.